This isn't directed towards any of you, my friends.
I just need to get some things off my chest, and i think writing it out is my desperate attempt at calming me. A lot has been happening in my personal life lately and i don't want to feel how i'm feeling right now again, if that's even possible.
I've been doing a lot of thinking and I've come to a conclusion. I'm beginning to see now that the unfortunate truth is nobody really cares. You can try your best and be the best person you can be towards others but only a minimal few will ever show interest in you. In the end most will either move away, grow to dislike you, or lose interest in you and leave. Fun times only last so long and are always followed by depression and sadness. It's not really any of our faults, it's just human nature because nobody is perfect. Things happen, people change and so do circumstances and ideals. I see this now but i don't know how many more rounds i can take on this emotional roller coaster I've been riding lately. Sooner or later i know i'll crack and it's not gonna be pretty. I'm trying my best to keep it together but right now i feel like i'm just going through the motions in life, i have no clear purpose and nobody would even bat an eye if i disappeared one day and never came back. That's why I've decided i'm not going to go out of my way to do anything anymore. If you wanna get to know me and be friends that's fine, but i'm tired of going the extra mile for people only to be cast off and left devastated. My life is like the instructions on the back of a shampoo bottle, i get all lathered up and become confident only to be rinsed off again by a wave of emotions with no let up until not a single sign of happiness remains. Rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat until there's nothing left but emptiness. I'm so done with living my life simply in the service of others, there has to be give and take in friendships. If you're the one always giving and and the other is always taking it'll just be an endless and pointless cycle to be a part of. True friendships consist of mutual admiration, respect, and caring. If you feel the same way as i do just stop and reassess your feelings and you'll see who really is there for you. More than likely it'll be the ones in your life that you make the happiest and that make you the happiest. That is the foundation of a lasting friendship, equal give and take. The truth is this is why i haven't drawn anything in like two months, i just have been struggling to find happiness in my life and i haven't been in much of a drawing mood as a result. I actually feel much better, putting how i feel right now into words has helped me to have a clear resolve. For the first time in a while i feel a little bit at ease with myself and how things will go from now on.
If you're reading this, i'm sorry if I've gotten you a little worried about me. I think i'll be alright now, so don't worry. I'm just not sure when the next time i draw anything will be, could be tomorrow or it could be a while. I'm not sure when.